eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
