Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
