The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
