either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
