Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
