her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
