Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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