hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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