Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
