There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
