The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
