I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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