All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
