Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
