Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
