She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
