I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
