hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
