hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
