I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
