We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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