i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
