We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
