ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
