your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
