how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
