Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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