Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
