My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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