Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
