So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
