a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
