I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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