She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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