At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
