I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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