I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
