Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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