i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
