When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
