A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
