Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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