She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
