My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
