That's when you crack a 10am beer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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