how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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