weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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