note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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