just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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