when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my being single is dangerous.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
